Prophet John's Unshakeable Predictions

Welcome to the most accurate, most unshakeable, and most utterly absurd predictions in the known universe!

Our Legacy

Prophet John, the great and powerful, has foreseen the following events with 100% certainty:

• Chains of events that will lead to world peace and prosperity in 2025
• The exact recipe for the perfect vegan lasagna in 2029
• The identity of the first human to colonize Mars in 2032
• The complete and utter collapse of the global economy in 2035 (don't worry, it'll be okay)

Our Archival Predictions

Browse our extensive collection of past prophecies, including:

• From the Pulpit
• Ancient Omens
• Future Forebodings

Madness and Madness and Madness

Tune in live for Prophet John's 24/7 madness hotline, where he'll be answering your most pressing questions, and making up new prophecies on the fly!

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