Apocalypse Survival Tips by Prophet Zarqon

Tip 1: Stock up on canned beans

Because, let's face it, the apocalypse will be a real gas.

Tip 2: Build an ark

Tip 2: Build an ark, because, why not?

You never know when the flood will come. Or the fire. Or the giant mutant spiders.

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Tip 3: Practice your best 'I'm a survivor' face

It's all about the optics, folks. You want to look like you're a tough, capable person who can totally handle a post-apocalyptic world.

Tip 4: Learn to make your own apocalypse-proof pants

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Because, let's face it, you'll need it.

Canned beans, a trusty baseball bat, and a decent pair of apocalypse-proof pants - you'll be set!

Parachute Pants Duct Tape Wallet Ark Blueprints

Parachute Pants: Because who needs actual parachutes, anyway?

These aren't just for show, folks!

They're made of the finest 'I'm-a-tough-survivor' material. You'll be the talk of the apocalypse.