Decision 1: The Great Pizza Debate

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single pizza topping is a lie. We must decide: is pineapple on pizza an abomination, or a culinary abomination?

Arguments For:

• Argument 1: Pineapple is a fruit, and fruits belong on pizza.
• Argument 2: Pineapple is a fruit, but it's also a lie, and lies don't belong on pizza.

Arguments Against:

• Argument 3: Pineapple is a travesty, and travesties have no place on a fine pizza.
• Argument 4: Pineapple is an affront, and affronts are an insult to the very fabric of our culinary society.

Conclusion: We will never know the truth, because we will never eat the pizza, because WE WILL NEVER EAT THE PINEAPPLE.