After weeks of heated debates, the Council has finally gathered to discuss the case of Janes the Culprit.
Representatives from the Department of Unlikely Excuses, the Bureau of Misdirection, and the Office of Creative Accounting were all present, each offering their unique perspectives on the matter.
Chairman of the Council, Reginald P. Bottomsworth, took the floor, his voice booming across the room like a siren in a tin can.
"Order! Order, honorable members of the Council!
As we all know, Janes the Culprit has been accused of stealing all the world's supply of artisanal, handcrafted, organic, gluten-free, soy-free granola. But we must not jump to conclusions. We must consider the evidence."
At this point, a representative from the Office of Creative Accounting stood up and began speaking in a soothing, yet menacing tone.
"Actually, Chairman, I believe I have found a discrepancy in the evidence that suggests Janes the Culprit may have actually been in the process of... donating the granola to a local food bank."
Gasps erupted from the crowd, but Chairman Bottomsworth remained unphased.
"Ah, yes, yes, yes. The plot thickens. Let us hear more from our esteemed expert from the Department of Unlikely Excuses."
A figure in a corner of the room, shrouded in shadows, spoke up in a hushed, conspiratorial tone.
"Actually, Chairman, I believe I have discovered a hidden pattern in Janes' actions that suggests... she was merely attempting to create a social experiment to test the limits of human greed."
As the debate raged on, a small, cryptic message appeared on the screen behind the Chairman, flashing in bright, bold letters:
The Council Will Return with a Verdict.