Section 3, Subsection B: "The Exemptions are Coming, The Exemptions are Coming..."
In an effort to maintain an optimal meeting-to-staff ratio, we're introducing a new policy for exempting attendees from meeting attendance. This policy applies to all meetings, unless otherwise specified (which is rare, because let's face it, who needs specificity in meetings?).
For those who'd rather be anywhere else. Valid for meetings that occur during rush hour, peak pollen season, or when the coffee machine is out of order.
For those who've recently experienced a close encounter with their therapist. Valid for meetings that involve small talk, group projects, or any activity that may trigger existential dread.
Eligibility is determined by a panel of three (or more, if we have a meeting about meeting attendance). If you're feeling under the weather, your manager will decide.