The Fine Print
By attending this meeting, you acknowledge that you are aware of the following:
- Any attendance is a tacit agreement to participate in a 3-hour discussion of the meaning of life.
- You will be forced to endure a 30-minute PowerPoint presentation about "Synergy" and "Disruption."
- You will be required to pretend to care about the new coffee machine in the break room.
- Any dissent will be met with a stern lecture on "Teamwork" and "Positive Vibes."
- Attendance will be tracked and used for "performance evaluations" and "future reference."
Failure to comply will result in the following penalties:
- First offense: Verbal warning and a stern look from HR.
- Second offense: Mandatory team-building exercise with "Trust Falls" and "Communication Exercises."
- Third and subsequent offenses: Unpaid suspension from the meeting and a mandatory meeting with "The Management."
Don't say we didn't warn you...
What is a Verbal Warning? Trust Falls: The Meeting from Hell