CEO's Genius Ideas for Tuesday Torture

Today's Agenda:

Here's what our fearless leader has in store for us:

9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Mandatory "Motivational" Meeting. Come prepared to be inspired by the CEO's latest PowerPoint presentation.
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Team-building "Trust Fall" exercise. Because nothing says "trust" like watching your coworkers plummet to the ground while trying to reach a beanbag.
12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch break! Don't forget to bring your own sandwich. (Note: the company will not be providing free food or emotional support.)
1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: "Creative" brainstorming session. Think outside the box! (Just kidding, please just regurgitate the same ideas you've had since 2015.)
3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: "Fun" team-building activity. Play a game of "Who Can Stare the Deepest into a Spreadsheet for the Longest Time Without Blinking?"

Remember, team, we're a family! And by "family," I mean "a dysfunctional family with a toxic work environment and crippling stress."