It was decided that, in fact, the coffee machine was not, as we had previously thought, a sentient being capable of providing us with caffeine and comfort. Instead, it was revealed that it was merely a complex series of wires and circuits masquerading as a coffee machine.
John: "But what about the times it dispensed me a perfect cup of coffee?!"
CEO: "Those were merely the result of our own confirmation bias. The machine was, in fact, just mimicking the sounds and appearances of a coffee machine."
Subpage 2: The Great Debate Subpage 3: The Caffeine Conspiracy Theorists