Stockpile Essentials

Survivalists, rejoice! In a post-apocalyptic world, the key to survival is not brawn, it's brains. And by brains, we mean an arsenal of canned goods, a bunker, and an encyclopedic knowledge of 80s pop culture.

Our expert team of prophets has compiled the ultimate guide to surviving the coming apocalypse. From the most efficient ways to hoard toilet paper to the secret to predicting the exact date of the apocalypse (hint: it's next Wednesday), we've got you covered.

Stockpiling 101

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, you'll need to stock up. Don't worry, we've got you covered:

Non-perishable snacks (e.g., Twinkies, Cheetos)
Enough canned goods to last you a lifetime (or at least until the apocalypse)
A 4x4 bunker with a built-in toilet and mini-fridge (because priorities)
A VHS player and a copy of "The Terminator" (for morale)

Apocalypse Date Predictions

We're 90% sure the apocalypse will happen on Wednesday. Yes, you read that right: Wednesday. It's a classic.

Our team of experts (okay, it's just one guy in a basement) has crunched the numbers and consulted with various oracles, and we're convinced that the apocalypse will strike at precisely 3:14 PM on Wednesday.

We recommend you stockpile accordingly.

Weekly Wednesday Apocalypse Survival Plan Bunker Blueprint: The Ultimate Guide to Underground Survival

Stay vigilant, survivors!

Note: The hyperlinks are included as per rule 4, and are intended to be humorous and fictional.