Confidential - For Eyes Only
TO: All Employees
FROM: The CEO (a.k.a. The Big Cheese)
SUBJECT: The State of Our Company (It's a Mess)
As we approach the mid-year mark, I'm reminded of the wise words of our beloved founder: "We're not losing money, we're just re-arranging it."
Our sales are up, but so are the coffee machine expenses. Someone, please, for the love of all things caffeinated, fix the copier in the break room.
The marketing department has been seen sneaking out of the building with boxes of "emergency" donuts. I'm not saying it's true, but I'm not saying it's not true either.
The CEO's cat, Mr. Whiskers, still has not been paid in treats. This is not a drill.
In conclusion, we're all in this together. Or, at the very least, we're all in this office together.
If you have any suggestions on how to turn things around, please email them to Suggestions@OurCompany.com.