Executive Summary:
Our marketing strategy is a bold, daring plan to sell as much product as humanly possible. We will use every possible channel: social media, influencer marketing, print, digital, and even shouting at people on the street.
Key Initiatives:
- Launch a new product line of "Limited Edition" items that will never actually be limited edition, because we can't be bothered to make less than 1000 units.
- Host 12 focus groups per week, where we will pretend to care about your opinions.
- Invest in a team of highly trained, slightly-above-average-looking, moderately-competent social media influencers who will pretend to be our friends.
Metrics for Success:
- Reach 10,000 likes on Instagram, even if they're all from bots.
- Get 5% increase in sales, which we will attribute solely to our marketing efforts, ignoring any other possible factors, like, say, inflation or global economic trends.
- Reduce our carbon footprint by 5%, by using 95% recycled paper in our print advertising materials.
Challenges:
Our biggest challenge will be not to alienate our customers, who are probably just as tired of our marketing nonsense as we are.
Next Meeting: 2021-06-30, same time, same place.
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