EMERGENCY PROCEDURES FOR 2022

**IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A MILD TO MODERATE PANIC ATTACK, PLEASE FOLLOW THESE STEPS:**

• Call HR: 1-800-MYSTERY
• Take a few deep breaths, then try again.
• Stare intensely at this picture of a cute kitten
• Remember: You are safe, you are loved, and there is a vending machine with snacks in the break room.

**FOR MORE SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS, PROCEED AS FOLLOWS:**

• Call 911, but not really. We don't have an emergency response system. Just call your mom.
• Put on a brave face, and attempt to reenact the Macarena in the lobby.
• If all else fails, just pretend you're a chicken and flap around like one until help arrives.

EMERGENCY RESPONSE FORM