Meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Because who needs actual sales when you can just talk about them?
Today, we're discussing our marketing strategies for 2022. Specifically, we'll be covering the "methods" and "techniques" that will guarantee our company's success.
Our first strategy is to... well, not actually have a real strategy. We'll just throw a bunch of ideas at the wall and see what sticks. It's like a marketing version of "dodgeball," where we hit as many things as possible and hope one of them hits the target.
Learn more about Spray and Pray.
Our second strategy is to make up some fake buzzwords and use them to sound smart. It's like, "Oh, we're using 'synergy' and 'disrupt' and 'thought leadership,' so we must be doing something right."
Learn more about The Emperor's New Clothes.
Our final strategy is to use fancy language to make our product sound more interesting than it actually is. It's like, "This product is a 'game-changing, life-altering, paradigm-shifting' thingy-ma-jig. You'll be the envy of all your friends!"