Action Item #4: Inventing a New Excuse for Not Going to Meetings

As we all know, meetings are the bane of productivity and the soul-sucking vortex of the modern workplace. But fear not, friends! We have a solution for you: inventing a new excuse for not going to meetings!

Here's the top 4 excuses, in order of their effectiveness:

• My car is having a existential crisis and refuses to start. It's currently undergoing therapy.
• I'm secretly training for the Olympics in a new, undisclosed sport. (It's a real thing, I swear!)
• I'm on a top-secret government mission, and I'm only allowed to receive classified information through carrier pigeons.
• I've come down with a rare and highly contagious case of Sudden Onset Meeting-Induced Fatigue (SOMIF). My doctor says I need to take it easy for a while.

And for those who need a little extra motivation, here's some fun facts:

• Did you know that the average meeting lasts for 47 minutes, but only 12 of those minutes are actually productive?
• Meetings are so boring that they've been known to induce coma-like states in some individuals.
• On average, 3 out of 10 meetings are actually just an excuse for someone to get free food.

So, the next time your boss asks you to attend a meeting, just remember: you have options! And if all else fails, just blame it on your car, the government, or your mysterious new sport. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Action Item #5: Creating a fake, but totally-not-made-up-sounding, meeting schedule for the week