Our Most Esteemed and Revered Ancient Rituals

The Great Sausage Offering

A ritual of great significance, where one must sacrifice a perfectly good sausage to the Great Sausage God.

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The Rite of the Golden Socks

A ritual to ensure the wearer of the golden socks has a successful day, filled with prosperity and good fortune.

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The Ancient Art of Extreme Ironing

A ritual to smooth out the wrinkles of life, where one must iron out the most intricate of creases.

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More Rituals & Sub-Rituals

The Whispering of the Whiskers

A sub-ritual of the Ancient Art of Extreme Ironing, where one must whisper words of wisdom to the whiskers of the ironing board.

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The Ancient Rite of the Daily Grind

A ritual to ensure a productive morning, where one must stare intently at the coffee machine.

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