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Minutes of the meeting where everyone argued about the best way to eat a cookie.
Proposed we eat the cookie in two bites.
Argued that three bites are the way to go, citing "it's just more satisfying" as evidence.
Claimed that the cookie was, in fact, sentient and we should all just let it be.
Was not in attendance due to 'scheduling conflicts'.
Conducted the meeting as a stand-in.