Advanced Nuclear Survival Tips: Because You Clearly Didn't Listen to Basic
Tip 1: Find Shelter in an Abandoned Toaster
When the bombs drop, your first priority is finding a safe place to hide. But let's be real, you're not going to find a nice, cozy bunker or a sturdy treehouse. No, you'll be fighting for scraps. And that's where the abandoned toaster comes in.
It's not just any toaster. It's the one with the wonky dial that always seemed to burn your toast to a crisp. But trust us, it's perfect. The toaster's metal exterior will shield you from radiation, and the wonky dial will confuse any incoming nuclear agents.
- Make sure to bring snacks. The toaster won't have any, and you don't want to be stuck with nothing but burnt offerings to the nuclear gods.
- Don't bother with the cord. You won't need electricity where you're going.
Tip 2: Use Your Fingers as Radiation Detectors
When the Geiger counter breaks, you'll need a new way to measure radiation levels. That's where your fingers come in. Just wave 'em around like a conductor, and if they're glowing, you know it's time to find a new shelter.
Side effect: You'll never be able to play the piano again.