John-the-Dev-Who-Just-Started's Meeting Minutes

Progress Report: 0% (just kidding, it's still at -100%)

Current Status: Lost in codebase.

Key Accomplishments:

• Spent 5 hours staring at code.
• Discovered a new bug in the code I wrote last week.
• Realized I still have 1000 unread emails from my mom.

Next Steps:

1. Find a way to make the coffee machine work.

2. Call in sick for the next 3 days.