Heidegger of the Moat

Heidegger of the Moat is a renowned philosopher of questionable fame, known for his incoherent ramblings and existential dread.

His magnum opus, "The Nothingness of the Moat", is a 300-page tome of self-indulgent navel-gazing.

Sartre-of-the-Sewer

Sartre-of-the-Sewer is a philosopher of the people, known for his existential angst and love of moldy cheese.

His famous phrase, "Existentialism is just a fancy word for 'I'm stuck in this damp basement'."