Steve's Performance Review: A Schedule of Unrelenting Expectations

Today: Wednesday (because yesterday was Tuesday)

9:00 AM - Arrive, look busy

10:00 AM - Buy a suit, because you can never be too prepared

11:00 AM - Bring a laptop, for the sake of appearances

12:00 PM - Pretend you are interesting, even when you're not

1:00 PM - Eat donuts, because that's what adults do

2:00 PM - More pretending, because that's the key to success

3:00 PM - Buy a gift, to bribe the reviewer

4:00 PM - Leave early, before things get really awkward

5:00 PM - Dream about being done, because that's what you'll be doing in your head