As we all know, our great leader's mind has been a topic of conversation around the office watercooler for quite some time. But have you ever wondered what really goes on behind closed doors? We've obtained a leaked memo detailing the inner workings of their brain, and the results are... enlightening.
We've identified several key areas of cognitive dysfunction, which we've dubbed "The Seven Sins of our Great Leader":
1. The Seven Sins Report
But that's not all. Our investigation has also uncovered evidence of a possible "Cabal of the Cognizant," a secret group of influencers who've been whispering in their ear, feeding their paranoia and confusion.
Stay tuned for more on this developing story. In the meantime, we'll just say that we're all very concerned.
Or, if you'd rather read the whole thing in a Compact PDF.