According to our top-secret sources, the paperclip shortage has reached catastrophic levels. Our top advisors have been in an emergency meeting for hours, and the consensus is:
- We will be forced to use alternative writing instruments (such as our trusty #2 pencil from the supply closet)
- The company logo will be rebranded to a simple " Stick Figure" logo, because who needs fancy fonts when you can use ASCII art?
- The conference rooms will be replaced with virtual reality meetings, where our employees will be forced to discuss their feelings about the lack of paperclips while wearing Oculus headsets.
- The company will have to start using a new, more efficient filing system: the "Circle of Doom", where all documents will be stored on a giant, spinning wheel of chaos.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing crisis.