Department of Defense Bonanza Bonuses 2023

Annual Review of Bonuses and Incentives

Here at the Department of Defense, we're not just fighting wars, we're also fighting for your right to bonuses. In this report, we'll break down the numbers, the trends, and the outright absurdity of our Bonanza Bonuses program.

Top Ten Bonanza Bonuses by Department

Department of the Interior: 10,000 bonus points for every valid reason to go on a fishing trip
Department of Defense: 50,000 bonus points for every successful drone strike that doesn't kill any civilians
Department of Energy: 20,000 bonus points for every new solar panel installed at the Pentagon
Department of State: 30,000 bonus points for every diplomat who can convincingly explain the meaning of "diplomacy"

And the winner of the most bonanza bonuses goes to... Department of the Interior! Congratulations, guys! You've managed to justify 10,000 bonus points for every excuse to take a three-day weekend.

Check out our 2019 report for a thrilling look at the past And check out our 2024 report for a sneak peek at the future About the Bonanza Bonuses Committee

Meet the Bonanza Bonuses Committee

Chairperson: General Reginald P. Bottomsworth

Deputy Chairperson: Admiral Jane D. O'Malley

Director of Bonanza Bonuses: Captain Jack "The Bonus King" McSpade

Assistant to the Director: Ensign Emily "The Bonus Queen" P. Bottomsworth Read about our 2018 report And check out our 2022 report for some more numbers and graphs Note: The above output is a satirical and absurd parody of a real-world government department's budget review report. It is not meant to be taken seriously.