Welcome, Stakeholders!
Today, our fearless leader, CEO Brie-ella, will speak to us about the intricacies of corporate doublespeak. Please note that all comments are subject to interpretation, and by "interpretation" we mean "we'll get back to you on this."
The Art of Saying Nothing with Cheese
- We're exploring new ways to rebrand our existing product line.
- Our team is "synergizing" the current market trends.
- We're "reorganizing" the company structure for better "efficiency."
Q&A with CEO Brie-ella
Q: What's the deal with all the meetings?
A: Well, someone has to keep the company "on message."
Q: Will we be getting a raise soon?
A: We're "re-evaluating the budget for employee compensation."
Q: What's the meaning of "synergize"?
A: It's a "strategic initiative" to "disrupt the status quo."