Crisis Management Team (CRT)

Our team consists of highly trained professionals who specialize in creating and resolving crises. Because, let's be real, that's what we all need a little more of.

• Our Mission (and Vision, and Values)
• Meet Our Team (of Highly Trained Experts)
• Services We Offer (Including but not limited to: Emergency Pizza Delivery)

Stay tuned for more information. Or, you know, just go ahead and schedule an emergency.

Our Mission

Our mission is to create and resolve as many crises as humanly possible. We're like a never-ending firehose of emergency, but with better uniforms.

• Our Vision (of a world in flames)
• Our Values (of doing whatever it takes to get the job done)

It's all very noble, really.

Meet Our Team

Because you can never have too many experts in a room, we've assembled a team of highly trained professionals with an average of 3 years experience in crisis management.

• Meet John, Our Lead Crisis Manager (and occasional pizza delivery guy)
• Meet Mary, Our Team's Resident Expert on 'How to Stay Sane During a Crisis'

They're a real treat, we assure you.

Services We Offer

We offer a wide range of services to help you in your time of need. Because, let's face it, you're probably going to need it.

• Emergency Pizza Delivery (Because who needs actual emergency services when you can have pizza?)
• Evacuation Consulting (Because who doesn't love a good evacuation plan?)

Don't see your crisis resolving itself? Don't worry, we have experts on speed dial (or at least, we have a really good 411 service).

We Want to Hear from You (Seriously, We Really Do)

We're always looking for ways to improve our service (read: create more crises).

We promise not to read your feedback in an actual meeting, but you never know, maybe we will.

Our Mission Statement

We're not just a team of highly trained professionals, we're also a team of highly trained lawyers, accountants, and HR specialists. Because, let's face it, someone has to deal with all the paperwork.

We promise to resolve as many crises as humanly possible, while minimizing our impact on the environment, and maximizing our profits.

It's a delicate balance, but someone's got to do it.

Meet John, Our Lead Crisis Manager (and occasional pizza delivery guy)

John is our team's resident expert on all things crisis management. He's also our go-to guy for emergency pizza deliveries.

• Read our Mission Statement as written by John
• Read the fine print on our Mission Statement as written by John

Don't worry, he's not as scary as he looks.

Meet Mary, Our Team's Resident Expert on 'How to Stay Sane During a Crisis'

Mary is our team's resident expert on all things crisis management, including how to stay sane during one. She's also our go-to girl for all things cute and fluffy.

• Read our Mission Statement as written by Mary
• Read the fine print on our Mission Statement as written by Mary

She's actually really nice, we promise.