Emergency Procedures: The Meeting Protocol

When in doubt, call for a meeting.

1. Gather 17+ people in a cramped, fluorescent-lit conference room.

2. Pass around a donut.

3. Discuss for exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes.

4. Decide on nothing and blame it on "further discussion."

View the Meeting Bible

Or, if all else fails:

Call the CEO and tell them it's "urgent."

Next Step: Panic.

This page serves the purpose of explaining the official Emergency Meeting Protocol, which is a time-honored tradition in the company. The meeting is a sacred institution where 17 or more people gather to discuss, debate, and ultimately, achieve nothing concrete, while consuming copious amounts of coffee and pastries.