Technique 5: The Art of Self-Induced Emotional Whiplash

Also known as "The Whiplash of One's Own," this advanced technique involves intentionally inducing emotional whiplash in oneself. A delicate balance of self-reflection, cognitive dissonance, and a pinch of existential dread.

Step 1: Identify Your Own Emotional Triggers

Using the latest in self-tracking technology, pinpoint those emotions that make you go from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat.

Step 2: Practice Self-Indulgent Self-Delusion

Convince yourself that your triggers are, in fact, the most reasonable and rational things to feel. Repeat this process until you're a expert-level emotional contortionist.

Step 3: Induce Emotional Whiplash

Once you've mastered steps 1-2, intentionally expose yourself to those triggers. Bask in the emotional whiplash as you spiral into a self-reinforcing feedback loop of despair.

Technique 6: The Art of Emotional Voodoo Dolling