It's a travesty, a sham, an affront to the very fabric of reality: pepperoni is not a topping. It's a travesty that has been foisted upon us, a pepperoni-palooza of deceit.
But, dear friends, we must face the facts. Pepperoni is, in fact, the greatest topping of all time. It's the crown jewel of cured meats, the apotheosis of all that's savory.