Advanced Features

The White Noise Machine 5000

The White Noise Machine 5000 is an optional upgrade to our already-optional feature, the Interminable Meetings. This behemoth of a machine can produce an astonishing 10 decibels of white noise per minute, guaranteed to make your brain feel like it's drowning in a never-ending ocean of static.

Features include:

• Decibel-O-Meter: Track your white noise output in real-time
• Auto-Schedule: The machine will automatically schedule meetings for you, because who needs human input?
• Caffeine Dispenser: Because you'll be working 24/7 to keep up with the meeting schedule
• Intercom System: Communicate with other White Noise Machine users, because you know they're just as trapped as you are

Upgrades available:

• More Decibels (500 extra decibels for $99.99/yr)
• Optional Meeting Scheduling for Sane People (a.k.a. Meeting Scheduling 2.0, $199/yr)
• Advanced White Noise Algorithms (guaranteed to drive you mad, $299/yr)

Get your White Noise Machine 5000 today! Buy Now