MEMORANDUM
TO: The Entire Company
FROM: Dr. Eugene S. Pudding, Director of Late-Bird Special Projects
SUBJECT: The Great Squirrel Heist
As you may or may not have noticed, our office has experienced a series of inexplicable disappearances of the finest quality nuts from the break room snack stash.
After conducting an exhaustive investigation, involving a team of highly trained experts (my cousin, Dave, and his pet parrot, Mr. Whiskers), it appears that we have a squirrel problem.
The following are the key findings:
Incident 1: On January 1, 2023, at exactly 14:47, a large squirrel (later identified as "Squeaky") was seen entering the break room through an unsecured window and making off with approximately 17 granola bars.
Incident 2: On February 27, 2023, at precisely 10:05, another squirrel (designated "Chompers") was spotted scaling the walls of the building and absconding with 23 boxes of assorted crackers.
Given the gravity of these events, we will be implementing a comprehensive Squirrel-Proofing Initiative, which includes: