THE LATECOMER'S GUIDE TO MEETINGS

CHAPTER 1: WHY BEING ON TIME IS FOR WIMPS

Meetings are for suckers. They're the ultimate productivity killer. The more people who show up, the more likely someone will have a 'gotta go' moment. And don't even get us started on 'action items'.

But, hey, we get it. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. So, here's the lowdown on being a latecomer:

CHAPTER 2: THE LATECOMER'S ETIQUETTE

• Avoid eye contact. It's too personal.
• Don't worry about being on time. Worry about being right.
• Arrive fashionably late. Think 'I'm making a bold statement about the importance of punctuality.'

CHAPTER 3: THE LATECOMER'S TOOLKIT

Here's what you'll need to survive the meeting:

• A decent excuse. We recommend 'traffic' or 'public transportation issues.'
• A good lie. We like 'I'm allergic to mornings.'
• A strong stomach. You'll need it for the inevitable coffee-fueled panic attacks.

CHAPTER 4: THE LATECOMER'S SURVIVAL GUIDE

Meetings are like sharks. They have to keep moving forward or they'll devour you whole. Here's how to survive:

• Find a comfortable spot to sit. Preferably near an exit. Or the coffee machine.
• Make eye contact with the floor. It's too personal, remember?
• Don't get too close. The hot air from the heater will give you a face full of sweat.