Welcome to our esteemed institution of science, where the pursuit of knowledge is fueled by an unrelenting passion for caffeine. In this guide, we'll walk you through our rigorous scientific approach to making decisions, one cup of coffee at a time.
Our research has shown that a minimum of 3 cups of coffee is required to reach optimal decision-making levels. Anything less, and your judgment is compromised.
Our scientists have discovered that a well-timed, 30-second distraction is essential to achieving clarity of thought. We recommend browsing cat videos or checking your phone during this step.
Using our patented Caffeine-Enhanced Data Analysis (CEDA) algorithm, we've found that randomly selecting data points and ignoring any semblance of logic is the key to making informed decisions.
The views expressed on this page are not endorsed or sponsored by anyone, including, but not limited to, coffee companies, lawyers, or our mothers. Use with caution and at your own risk.