We are in the process of redefining what it means to be a high performer around these parts.
Currently, our merit system is based on who can eat the most Cheetos in one sitting. We're considering a switch to a more... shall we say, adjacency-based merit system.
Here are some examples of adjacencies we're considering:
- Being able to recite the entirety of "The Big Lebowski" from memory
- Maintaining a beard that's longer than your commute
- Being able to eat an entire pizza by yourself
- Writing a strongly-worded letter to the editor of the local fishwrap