Decisions made with utmost recklessness and disregard for human safety:
Item 1: Consuming 5+ hours of coffee per week is now considered a national security threat
Item 2: All employees are required to wear matching "I'm with the Mayhem" t-shirts during meetings
Item 3: The company will be rebranding its stapler as a "Self-Expression Tool" and will be placing it in a position of prominence in the conference room