The investigation into the disappearance of the last donut from the break room has been a long and arduous one. After interviewing key witnesses, scouring security footage, and consulting with expert donut psychologists, we have finally arrived at a conclusion.
According to our sources, the last donut was devoured by a lone individual known only as "The Donut Bandit."
The Donut Bandit was last seen lurking in the vicinity of the 3rd-floor conference room, where it is believed to have been hiding a stash of sugary snacks.
Further evidence points to a pattern of reckless donut consumption and utter disregard for company policies.
We have identified The Donut Bandit as a repeat offender and have issued a formal warning.
However, due to a loophole in our company's policies, the Donut Bandit will not face any disciplinary action.
We are currently considering implementing a new policy to ban all donuts from the break room, effective immediately.