Minute-by-Minute Agenda: Moral Implications Edition

9:00 AM - Arrival and Prolonged Handshaking

Arrive at the conference room, exchange awkward glances with colleagues, and spend an excessive amount of time shaking hands.

[Introvert Emergency: A Handshake Alternative]

9:05 AM - Welcome and Sycophantic Opening Remarks

The Chairperson welcomes everyone and attempts to make everyone feel good about themselves.

[Feelgoods and Flattery: The Art of Sycophancy]

9:15 AM - Agenda Review: 3 Hours of PowerPoint

Review the agenda, which consists entirely of slides that nobody actually reads.

[Reading Between the Lines: A Guide to PowerPoint Illusions]

12:00 PM - Lunch Break: 30 Minutes of Small Talk

Take a 30-minute lunch break, during which everyone will discuss their weekend and pretend to care about your cat.

[Social Stapling: The Art of Pretending to Care]

3:00 PM - Conclusion and Prolonged Apologies

Summarize the meeting, which nobody actually attended, and apologize for everything and nothing.

[Empty Apologies: The Art of Sincerity]