Flag Burning Etiquette

When attending a meeting at the Ministry of Unnecessary Bureaucracy, it's essential to follow the rules of flag burning etiquette.

1. Make sure the flag you're burning is made of 100% cotton, organic, free-range, artisanal cotton.

2. Only use matches made from sustainably sourced wood pulp, certified by the International Association of Tree Huggers.

3. Do not burn any flags that are currently being used as a picnic blanket.

4. If you must burn a flag, do not do it near any endangered species habitats or areas of high humidity.

5. Always, always, always have a fire extinguisher on hand.

Appendix: Flag Burning Disasters to Avoid Advanced Flag Burning Techniques