Meet the Prophesizers

Meet the people who've seen it all. Literally, all of it.

They've prophesied the apocalypse, the rise of the machines, and the inevitable doom of our favorite snack foods.

Bertie the Unstoppable

Bertie's prophecies are 100% accurate. 100%. We've checked.

Read Bertie's Prophecies

Morty the Unrelenting

Morty's prophecies are 50% accurate. 50%. We've also checked.

Read Morty's Prophecies

The Unreliable Nancy

Nancy's prophecies are 0% accurate. But she's fun to talk to.

Read Nancy's Prophecies