Annual Review Rituals

Where else can you spend 3-5 hours a week discussing the weather?

Step 1: The Ritual of Self-Importance

Take 10 minutes to talk about your "goals" for the next quarter. Pretend someone is actually going to care.

Step 2: The Ritual of Blame

Blame your team for not meeting your goals. It's not like you have any actual control over the project.

Step 3: The Ritual of Praise

Pretend to be impressed by your team's "achievements." Give them participation trophies for showing up.

Step 4: The Ritual of Theoretical Progress

Talk about "synergies" and "disrupting the paradigm." Try to use as many buzzwords as possible.

Step 5: The Ritual of The End of the World

Realize that the project is a sinking ship, but pretend it's not.