Welcome, Prophets of Despair, to the most epic gathering in the history of humanity.
Section 2: The Prophecies
Prophet of the Doomscrolling
His prophecy: "The end is near, but only after you've scrolled through 17 hours of cat videos."
More about Zechariah McSkeezusProphet of the Infinite Loops
His prophecy: "The world will be consumed by an eternal loop of 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' on repeat."
More about Bartholomew P. Bottomsworth