Quantitative Reassurance Theories

In the depths of the meeting prophets' lair, a group of brave souls sought to quantify the unquantifiable. They developed an arsenal of theories designed to soothe even the most troubled of minds.

Theory of Infinite Busyness

This groundbreaking theory posits that the number of tasks assigned to an individual is directly correlated with the amount of free time available. The busier you are, the more free time you have.

Infinite Productivity Techniques

Reassurance through Statistical Analysis of Meeting Minutes

By meticulously scrutinizing the minutes of every meeting, our prophets have developed algorithms to predict exactly when the next meeting will be scheduled, allowing you to plan your escape route.

Meeting Prediction Algorithms

The Reassurance of Over-Planning

This radical theory suggests that the more you plan, the less likely you are to actually do anything. It's a liberating feeling, really. Just think of all the time you'll save not doing anything!

Procrastination Strategies

The Reassurance of Randomized Decision-Making

Why bother with facts and figures when you can just flip a coin? This theory has been proven time and time again to yield the most unpredictable and thus, most exciting results.

Randomized Decision-Making Techniques