EPIC FAIL MTG 5: The Attendee List of Shame

Present and accounted for, but not really present:

John Doe, who forgot to bring his laptop and is stuck taking notes by hand
Jane Smith, who is secretly a professional snail trainer and keeps sneaking glances at her phone
Bob Johnson, who is actually a robot sent back in time from the year 3050 to observe human behavior
Jim Brown, who just wanted to see if the free coffee was any good