In a time before time, when the world was still a vast, uncivilized expanse, there existed a creature of great strength and ferocity. The Sumo-Cave-Man, as he came to be known, roamed the land with a fierce determination, his belly full of cave-grown delicacies and his heart full of wonder.
Legend has it that the Sumo-Cave-Man was born from the primordial ooze of the cave of wonders, a place where the ancient gods once danced and the earth's crust was still soft and yielding. The cave of wonders was said to be filled with glittering crystals and ancient artifacts, which the Sumo-Cave-Man used to craft his mighty clubs and decorate his furiously furrowed brow.
As the ages passed, the Sumo-Cave-Man grew in size and strength, his name becoming synonymous with fearlessness and unbridled fury. He roamed the land, a one-man army, defending the cave of wonders from any who would seek to desecrate it.
But the Sumo-Cave-Man's greatest achievement was not his brawn, but his beard. A mighty, majestic beard that rivaled the grandeur of the stars themselves. It was said that the beard had a life of its own, whispering secrets of the ages to the Sumo-Cave-Man and guiding his every move with an unerring hand.
And so, if you ever find yourself lost in the cave of wonders, be sure to keep a weather eye out for the Ancient Sumo-Cave-Man. He may just offer you a taste of his mighty club, and a swig of his famous cave-juice.
For more tales of the Sumo-Cave-Man, click here for the Legend of Sumo-Beard.
Or, if you prefer, check out the Sumo-Cave-Man's Grocery List for a glimpse into the inner workings of this ancient hero's mind.