Welcome to the most unpredictable, unorthodox, and completely-not-at-all-serious meeting in the history of meetings!
Today's agenda includes: Unnecessary, rambling, and utterly incomprehensible discussion on the meaning of life, Unstructured brainstorming session on the best way to get a raise without actually doing any work, Tentative decision-making process that will inevitably result in the same outcome we always have, Revelations of previously unknown information, completely unrelated to the meeting's original purpose, and a rambunctious snack break that will inevitably devolve into chaos.
Stay vigilant, stay caffeinated, and for the love of all that is good and holy, do not attempt to make a phone call during the meeting. We cannot be responsible for any damage caused by dropped calls or spilled coffee.
Next week's agenda will feature a meeting on "The Art of Not Taking Action". Stay tuned.