Section 1: The Tardiness Epidemic
According to our records, 90% of meetings run over schedule. We're not talking about the kind of meetings where people actually get work done, but rather the kind where everyone just pretends to be productive while secretly checking Twitter.
Our company is not immune to this phenomenon. In fact, our meetings often start with the sound of chairs scraping across the floor as people take their seats, only to be followed by an awkward silence as everyone tries to remember why they're there.
As a result, we're implementing new policies to address this issue.
Section 2: New Policy: The 5-Minute Rule
From now on, whenever someone arrives late to a meeting, they must explain themselves within 5 minutes of the meeting start time. This can be in the form of a witty remark, a sarcastic comment, or even a simple "Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in a meeting with someone even more important than you."
Section 3: Penalties for Repeated Offenders
We're introducing a new system of penalties for those who repeatedly show up late. This includes but is not limited to:
- 1st Offense: A sternly worded email from management
- 2nd Offense: A mandatory meeting with HR to discuss your tardiness
- 3rd Offense: A 30-minute meeting with the CEO to discuss the meaning of life and the importance of punctuality
Section 4: Exemptions
We understand that sometimes, life happens. If you're late due to a legitimate reason such as a family emergency or a medical issue, we're willing to work with you to find a solution.
Section 5: Conclusion
We hope these new policies will help address the tardiness epidemic in our company. If you have any suggestions or concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out to us.