DECREE 345: The Unholy Trinity of Productivity
By Order of the Neo-Brutalist Council, Article 3, Section 2, Subsection A:
Effective immediately, all minimalist hipsters are mandated to wear at least 3 days worth of facial hair as a symbol of their commitment to the art of doing nothing.
Furthermore, all meetings shall henceforth be conducted in a state of absolute silence, unless absolutely necessary to discuss the finer points of existential dread.
And, by order of the Council, all employees are hereby required to spend at least 2 hours daily contemplating the meaning of life, the universe, and everything else.
Sub-Ordinances:
1. The Council shall appoint a Chief Existential Crisis Officer to oversee the implementation and maintenance of this decree.
This officer shall be responsible for ensuring that all meetings are conducted in a state of utmost seriousness and existential angst.
2. All employees are hereby authorized to use the phrase "The meaning of life, the universe, and everything else is but a fleeting dream" as a valid excuse for any and all absences from work.
This provision shall not be used more than 5 times per month, lest the employee be subject to disciplinary action.