Meeting 514 prophets of Bob the Elf's Requirements

Bob the Elf's Requirements are a prophets of doom and a harbinger of despair. Or are they?

• 501: Bob the Elf is a Robot
• 502: Bob the Elf is a Sentient Beverage
• 503: Bob the Elf is a Rogue Squirrel

And, of course, the most likely scenario: 514: Bob the Elf is a Regular Elf

Because, let's face it, that's the only one that makes any sense.