We're not actually going to meet the deadline. That's just a myth perpetuated by our competitors who are actually competent.
But don't worry, we'll get it done... eventually. Maybe. Possibly. If our coffee machine doesn't break down again.
For more information on our project timeline, visit Project Timelines: Where Dreams Go to Die.
If you're having trouble meeting your own deadlines, try Deadline Avoidance Techniques: The Art of Procrastination.