DECREES OF ABSOLUTE ABSURDITY

Welcome, mortal, to the decrees of the one and only Prophet Keith, Lord of the Inevitable!

By the power vested in me, I decree:

• Decree 001: All meetings shall henceforth feature a minimum of 3 minutes of free time for excessive napping.
• Decree 002: All robots shall be required to wear tiny hats to all meetings.
• Decree 003: All sundaes shall henceforth be served with an additional 5 scoops of ice cream, regardless of dietary restrictions.
• Decree 004: All unicorns shall be required to wear an additional layer of spandex for optimal sparkliness.