High Oracle of the Inevitable, Seer of the Certain, Guide to the Inescapable.
Located in the heart of the Uncanny Valley, I have spent eons studying the Art of the Inevitable.
For a fee of only 10000 gold doubloons, I can reveal the Inevitable to you.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try a free 30-second tarot reading, but don't come crying to me when the results are grim.